Welcome to another nutritious edition of The (Mostly) Indie Film Calendar, a weekly roundup of what's happening beyond the multiplexes in this great land of ours. If you know of something cool going on where you live -- a small film festival, retrospective, midnight movies, etc. -- let me know! You can find me at Eric.Snider (at) Weblogsinc (dot) com.

INDIE THEATRICAL RELEASES

• Frontiere(s) is a French horror flick whose history is almost as torturous as its content. It was supposed to be part of the After Dark series last fall, but its NC-17 rating made that impossible due to the contract that the After Dark people had with the theatrical venues. So now it's basically going straight to DVD -- but first it's being deposited in a handful of theaters today in New York, L.A., Denver, Seattle, Philly, Austin, and maybe a few other places. Cinematical's Scott Weinberg gave it a mixed review at Toronto last year.

• The Fall: Remember The Cell, that freaky Jennifer Lopez movie from 2000? I know I do! (I never forget a movie with a vivisected horse.) The director, Tarsem Singh, is back now with The Fall, a visually stunning fable where a man in a hospital tells a little girl a story, and that story is craaaazy. Opens in New York and L.A. today.

More indie releases and a city-by-city list of cool events after the jump....

Cranky Eric© sez ... Hey, people who make movies: Stop putting scenes after the closing credits. If you want me to watch it, put it IN THE MOVIE, not after it.

It has been well established that when a list of names starts scrolling up against a black screen, the movie is OVER. You're done. Whatever story you had to tell, you told it. That's the way movies work.

You want to put something cute after the credits, fine. Knock yourself out. A lot of times that stuff is fun. But it doesn't count as an actual part of the story. If it's something we need to know, tell us. Don't hide it after the list of gaffers and production assistants and humane society certifications.

Oh, what, at the end of the last Pirates of the Caribbean -- after the 37 minutes of credits have rolled -- it turns out Elizabeth has a son and is standing around waiting for her once-in-a-decade evening of romance with Will? No she doesn't, and no she isn't. Because the movie ended 37 minutes earlier, when the closing credits started. Whatever happens after that is just you horsin' around. Doesn't count. It's not canon.

Today is the semi-official start of the Summer Blockbuster Season, but don't despair! The (Mostly) Indie Film Calendar is here to fill you in on cool stuff happening outside the multiplexes in the coming week -- the perfect antidote to mainstream ennui. If you know of something interesting going on near you -- retrospectives, special screenings, etc. -- please let me know! Point your e-mail thingee at Eric.Snider@Weblogsinc.com and I'll put it on the calendar.

INDIE THEATRICAL RELEASES

• I don't know if famed critic-hater David Mamet still counts as "independent," but I'm including his new film, Redbelt, here just in case. It's a heady drama about a martial-arts instructor who gets tangled up with a Hollywood film shoot, a misfired policeman's gun, and several other things. ME LIKEY. Opens today on a few screens in New York and L.A.

• Son of Rambow was, hands down, the best film I saw at Sundance last year. It was snatched up by Paramount Vantage, which for some reason sat on it until now. It's a funny, creative, and sweet story about two British kids in the mid-'80s who film their own homemade version of First Blood (aka Rambo I). Cinematical's James Rocchi reviewed it at Sundance 2007 and loved it too, in case my word isn't good enough for you. It's in a few theaters today, with more to come.
  

After the jump, more indie releases in theaters, and a list of special events happening around the country....

I told you a couple weeks ago how THINKFilm had picked up the gritty prison thriller The Escapist, and how the film, which stars Brian Cox, was the last thing I saw at Sundance this year. Well, I actually had a double helping of Cox that January night, because right before The Escapist I watched Red, another film boasting a terrific Cox performance -- and now it's headed for theaters, too.

Via The Hollywood Reporter we learn that Magnolia has picked up Red, with plans to release it late this summer. The film (which I reviewed here) is a thriller along the lines of Death Wish, only instead of avenging his wife's murder, the Cox character is going after the punks who killed his dog. (Do not mess with a man's dog!)

Beards! They're all the rage these days! Conan and Letterman grew facial hair during the writers strike, Ryan Reynolds has been sporting some, Jonah Hill has that scruffy thing going, Jake Gyllenhaal has a beard (and I don't mean Reese Witherspoon) -- and now the trend has even spread to the womenfolk.

Get a load of Salma Hayek, the dazzlingly incomprehensible Mexican beauty who's now shooting a film called Cirque du Freak, in which she plays a sideshow's bearded lady. The film, based on a series of novels, also stars John C. Reilly as a vampire. (I'm sold!) It's set to open in February 2009, two months after that other vampire movie, Twilight.

Hayek is no stranger to unflattering facial hair, of course. She uglied up her eyebrows to play the title role in Frida back in 2002, and that extra bit of hair was just enough to put her over the top for an Oscar nomination. Eyebrows, now a beard -- what next? The lead in the Magnum P.I. movie? Just a thought.

[Via JustJared, which has a few more bearded-Hayek pics, too.]

You know how you've been really, excited about the Lost Boys sequel? OK, just pretend you have been. Seriously, go along with me here. It's called Lost Boys: The Tribe, and some of the various Coreys who were in the 1987 original will appear in it, alongside younger, hotter actors like Tad Hilgenbrinck and Autumn Reeser. Warner Premiere is sending it straight to DVD and Blu-Ray this summer, and the folks over at Bloody Disgusting have the cover art, a bit of which I've sampled here.

Yep, sure enough: That's a DVD cover, all right. The Angus Sutherland referenced is indeed related to Kiefer (they're half-brothers). Why there's a guy on a motorcycle, I don't know. Why not, I guess?

If you were worried that this sequel might deviate in some way from the cult-favorite original, rest easy. Corey Feldman told MTV News: "Once again, you have a fish-out-of-water story of two young folks who move into a new town to visit their relatives and find themselves caught up with a bunch of bloodsuckers.... I really like the script because of the fact that it is very close and very true to the structure of the original film." I take this to mean that, like most DVD sequels, it will be the exact same story as the original, but with different actors. But hey, Coreys! Squeeee!

Saddle up! It's time for another edition of The (Mostly) Indie Film Calendar, a weekly roundup of movie stuff that's happening beyond the multiplexes. I've got my usual sources that I go to for info on things taking place in some of the major cities, but if you know of a cool event happening where you are, please let me know! You'll find me at Eric.Snider (at) Weblogsinc (dot) com. I'll leave the key under the doormat.

INDIE THEATRICAL RELEASES

• Deal is another gambling movie, this time about the World Series of Poker. It stars Burt Reynolds, Bret Harrison, and Shannon Elizabeth, and opens today on a few dozen screens nationwide (mostly L.A., NYC, Chicago, and of course Las Vegas).

• Then She Found Me, which has played at seemingly every film festival of the past six months, is the directorial debut of Helen Hunt, who also stars as a woman whose birth mother (Bette Midler) comes into her life just when it's at its most hectic. Cinematical's Ryan Stewart gave it a passing grade at Toronto last fall. It's in NYC and L.A. as of today.

• Roman de Gare comes to us from France, where the title is a term for popular, disposable novels (think John Grisham). Fittingly, the film is being described as a watchable but forgettable story about a mystery novelist who gets wrapped up in a real-life mystery. Opens today in NYC.

More theatrical releases, plus a city-by-city list of special events, after the jump....

I was one of the hardy souls who endured the recent Larry The Cable Guy atrocity Witless Protection, and when I wasn't bleeding out the eyes or praying aloud for the sweet release of death, I was noticing something peculiar: The film has an FBI character named Alonzo Mosely, which was also the name of an FBI character in Midnight Run. In and of itself, that could be a coincidence. But take into account that both Alonzo Moselys are played by the same actor, Yaphet Kotto, and that both are responsible for tracking down on-the-run witnesses who are supposed to testify against the Mafia, and you realize this was done on purpose.

So that's cute, I thought. I figured they probably hired Kotto, realized how similar the character was to the one he played in Midnight Run, and renamed the new character as a little inside joke. Universal Pictures isn't laughing, though, and not just because they watched a Larry The Cable Guy movie. According to The Hollywood Reporter's law blog (not written by Bob Loblaw, unfortunately), they're suing Lionsgate for copyright infringement and seek to stop all further distribution of Witless Protection, including the DVD release scheduled for June 10.

That's right: If Universal wins the case, the movie will be taken out of circulation. Regardless of the legal ramifications, I see this as a victory for society.

Who would have thought the brilliant playwright and pretty good director David Mamet would have anything in common with tasteless schlockmeister Uwe Boll? Boll once expressed a desire to fight movie critics in a boxing ring, and now Mamet has taken it a step further: he wishes all critics were dead.

Or at least that's what he told Vanity Fair. The magazine ends each issue with a "Proust Questionnaire," in which a celebrity is asked a series of frivolous-but-deep-sounding questions, usually to coincide with the promotion of the celebrity's new movie. This month it's Mamet (whose Redbelt opens May 9 May 2), and the first Q&A goes like this:

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
My idea of perfect happiness is a healthy family, peace between nations, and all the critics die.

All the critics, Dave? All of us? Aw, gee. In my high school drama class, we loved doing scenes from Mamet's plays. Granted, this was primarily because it permitted us to swear in abundance, but over time we came to appreciate his work on a deeper level, too. The way he writes dialogue -- the unusual cadences, the stylized realism -- is like music, and the intellectual themes of his plays are eternally thought-provoking.

Up front, let me confess an error I made regarding Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, the new documentary about the Intelligent Design movement. In Friday's edition of "The (Mostly) Indie Film Calendar," I said the movie was "a documentary about how people who believe in evolution are big meanies who don't understand why 'Intelligent Design' (i.e., that God made everything) should be taught in science classes, too." This was a mistaken summary of what Intelligent Design is.

Having now watched the film -- which is terrible, filled with specious reasoning, false dichotomies, and self-contradiction -- I find that I did learn a thing or two. I had assumed that Creationism and Intelligent Design were the same thing. They are not. Creationism is the belief that God created the Earth more or less the way it's described in Genesis. Intelligent Design merely holds that certain things about life on this planet are best explained by something supernatural. Where there are gaps in scientific knowledge, ID fills 'em in.

There is plenty of overlap between Creationism and ID, of course, and I guess you could say all Creationists are also ID-ists. But you can certainly believe in ID without believing God made the world in six days. The film says that this misunderstanding is why so many scientists are so virulently anti-ID -- because they think it's Creationism, which truly doesn't have much scientific evidence in its favor.

Brace yourselves for some horrific news from the set of Quantum of Solace, the new James Bond film due in theaters this fall. In a tragic accident early Saturday morning, the film's star plunged into Italy's Lake Garda and was destroyed. No, not Daniel Craig, silly. I mean the real star: the $250,000 Aston Martin DBS that 007 drives.

Yes, this is terrible news, even worse than the news that the movie would be called Quantum of Solace. As a stuntman was delivering the car to the northern Italy set in rainy weather, he lost control of the vehicle on a curve, went through a guard rail, and plummeted into the lake. (That's the recovered vehicle in the picture.) The stuntman, who wasn't named in any of the news reports I found, escaped with just some scratches and bruises; his job experience probably means he knows how to react in an auto-related crisis. It sounds like it would have been a spectacular sequence for a movie, if only there had been cameras rolling.

The reason this is such a big deal is that Aston Martins ain't exactly cheap, nor are they plentiful. It's not like it was a Honda Civic and the producers can just go grab another one off the lot. London's Sunday Mirror says the film had acquired five Aston Martins for the Lake Garda sequence. Two were already sprayed with bullet holes (on purpose), and it was the third one that went into the lake. The filmmakers presumably had other intentions for the remaining two cars; no word yet on whether they'll have to adjust their plans, or whether they'll be able to make do. Obtaining a replacement car on short notice doesn't appear to be an option.

Well whaddaya know, it's time for another edition of The (Mostly) Indie Film Calendar, a weekly sampling of some of the non-multiplex options for the savvy moviegoer over the next seven days. If you know of something cool happening -- revivals, small festivals, workshops, whatevs -- I beseech you to send me a link so I can include it on the calendar. I can be found at Eric.Snider@Weblogsinc.com.

INDIE THEATRICAL RELEASES

• Where in the World Is Osama Bin Laden? hits about 100 theaters today after playing at Sundance and South By Southwest, among other festivals. It's Morgan Spurlock's attempt to summarize the War on Terror, and Cinematical's James Rocchi reviewed it favorably at Sundance.

• Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed is a documentary about how people who believe in evolution are big meanies who don't understand why "Intelligent Design" (i.e., that God made everything) should be taught in science classes, too. Somehow the teacher from Ferris Bueller's Day Off is involved. The people distributing the film have been very careful not to let any critics see it, going so far as to require preview audience to sign nondisclosure agreements. You know it must be a great film when the only way you're allowed to see it is if you promise not to tell anyone about it -- anti-word-of-mouth. I almost don't even want to mention it here, except that it is an indie film and it is opening in several hundred theaters today. So there you go.

One of the scenes in Forgetting Sarah Marshall that people will be talking about over the virtual water cooler next week is the one that involves Jason Segel doing full frontal nudity. Yes, he lets it all hang out, and what's admirable is that he does it purely for the sake of a joke. That takes courage! That takes guts! That takes ... well, you know.

This isn't the first film to use nudity for laughs, of course. Comical naughty bits have a rich history in Hollywood. Here are seven movies with hilarious nudity.

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan
What's funnier than a naked dude? A naked FAT dude. And what's funnier than a naked fat dude? A naked fat dude wrestling a naked skinny dude in a hotel room, and a hotel hallway, and a hotel elevator, etc., etc.

No list of great baseball movies would be complete without The Natural, starring Robert Redford. His best performance ever? Maybe not -- but it's certainly a lot of people's favorite. Because of that classic film, Redford is forever connected to our national pastime, and so it's a little exciting to see that he's about to produce another baseball movie: a biopic of Jackie Robinson.

It was Robinson who broke through Major League Baseball's race barrier when he joined the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1947. Despite constant racist attacks by opposing players (and, at first, his own teammates), he went on to win the first-ever Rookie of the Year Award and to be a star player throughout his 10-year stint with the Dodgers. Redford will play Dodgers manager Branch Rickey, who supported Robinson from the beginning.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, the project (which we talked about here and here) has the support of Robinson's widow (Robinson died in 1972), as well as Branch Rickey Jr. and Major League Baseball. It will be co-produced by ESPN Films, with Thomas Carter directing. Carter's last film was the true-life basketball story Coach Carter, and the three writers listed at IMDb have extensive biopic experience. The flick has all the hallmarks of a loving, faithful, not-too-controversial biopic, and that's fine with me.

Regular readers of online film criticism might know the name D.K. Holm (that's him in the drawing). A Portland native, he's written a handful of books about people like R. Crumb and Quentin Tarantino, and he's a regular contributor to Kevin Smith's Quick Stop Entertainment site (writing a column called "Nocturnal Admissions," tee-hee). D.K. -- or Doug, as his friends call him -- is also the film critic at the Vancouver Voice, an alternative newsmonthly in Vancouver, Wash., just across the river from Portland.

The bad news is that Doug has esophageal cancer. It is treatable, but -- and here's the worse news -- like one-sixth all Americans and most freelance writers, he doesn't have health insurance. He's looking at thousands of dollars in chemotherapy and surgery. It's every uninsured person's worst nightmare.