Are your pitchforks nice and sharp? Torches soaked in kerosene, ready to burn my house down? If not, I'll wait. Ready? Good, because I'm about to give you five reasons why you should see New Moon, which you may not be aware is the the latest entry in the Twilight Saga. Some background, so you know where my allegiances lay.

I've never read a single word of any of the Twilight books. I found the first film to be a rote exercise in appealing to a demographic that was (and still is) in every quantifiable factor not me. I don't care about supernatural romance novels, and unless it's Jeff Goldblum and Gena Davis in The Fly, I don't much care for supernatural romances on film, either. Twilight exists and I exist, but we have little to do with each other outside of sharing the same planet.

I am, however, genuinely enthused to see New Moon. I'm as shocked as you. Let me explain.

Catherine Hardwicke is Gone.
Attack the source material and the fans all you want, but the biggest problem with Twilight is that it just was not an interesting film. Plenty of blame for that has been tossed around, but ultimately it lands on the shoulders of the director. Catherine Hardwicke is not an inherently bad filmmaker (Lords of Dogtown is a fine film) but she couldn't have taken a less enthusiastic approach to a story about the fantastic (note the order of words, as Twilight is not, I feel, a fantastic story). Exhibit A, the baseball scene.

Vampires using thunderclaps to cover up their baseball games isn't all that interesting to begin with, but I guarantee you that if Kathryn Bigelow had done it in Near Dark, it'd be a staple scene in vampire films. Hardwicke, however, either didn't have the vision or drive to elevate the film above the material, which is unfortunate. But now she's been replaced.

We both know that I could probably fill all seven slots of this list with just scenes from Roland Emmerich's disaster-tastic 2012, but in the interests of letting everyone else get a chance to see it, let's stick with films that have already come and gone. Some of these titles qualify because of the uniquely ridiculous nature of their disasters, while others count for what ridiculous plots unfold amidst otherwise ordinarily perilous acts of nature.

There will be a couple of spoilers to go along with our picks, but since most of these have been out for a couple of years, it's not like it's the end of the world...

I've always been drawn to radio on the big screen. It seems antithetical -- a sound format being so perfect for a medium full of sound and imagery. Video killed the radio star ... right? Nevertheless, radio leads to wonderfully aural expression that gives film that extra little something, whether that be the perfectly pitched voice of a radio DJ delighting in word play or the perfectly placed song that evokes any number of emotions. Word play and great music -- they've always been my weakness.

Therefore, naturally, I'm all sorts of excited for this week's cinematic slate, which not only includes disasters, tough women, and fantastic foxes, but also a little flick called Pirate Radio. This ensemble comedy has been a long time coming. In fact, it's been almost a year since we first got to see a trailer for the film that not only features a cast including Nick Frost and Bill Nighy, but also marks the return of Philip Seymour Hoffman to the retro radio seat. Oh yes, Lester Bangs is back, only this time he calls himself The Count.

To get you in the mood for true pirate radio living on a tried and true ship, check out five great on-screen radio moments after the jump. (Warning: Some are NSFW.)

Yesterday, we posted a very funny video from College Humor that resolved some classic ambiguous endings in film: The Graduate, Lost in Translation, and so forth. But it reminded me that sometimes these vague endings can be truly irritating and frustrating. I hate sitting through what is shaping up into a good movie experience, then the end negates the whole film, makes no sense, or just plain ends without warning or closure.

Sometimes these ambiguous endings are great: I felt the ending of The Wrestler was just right, and I also liked the way the recently released A Serious Man concluded. Sometimes these unresolved endings are meant to pave the way for a sequel, which is great if you happen to have the sequel there with you, but when it's a new movie, you just want to throttle the filmmakers. Here are 10 movies with endings that make me want to throw a popcorn box at the screen, or find the filmmakers and demand an explanation. It goes without saying that I'm about to spoil the endings of 10 films, so you've been warned.

I typically end up missing out on most kid films during their theatrical runs (there just isn't enough time to catch all the G-Forces of the world), but I recently caught up with the money-making monster that is Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs from the comfort of my own couch. Between watching baby dinosaurs swallow other baby Ice Age critters and thinking about winter's approach, my mind soon drifted towards some of my favorite ice-set moments in film.

I don't know what it is, but having nice, frozen centerpieces in a flick always lure me in. Though I do have my limits, as you won't be finding any of the brain pain that is 10,000 BC on here. Note, these are in no order of importance.

We live in a time when war movies based on toys (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra) are better received by the public than those that have a basis in truth (The Hurt Locker). G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, out on DVD and Blu-ray today, dances around its origins as military action figures by positioning its heroes as an elite unit, more like well-armed spies than anything resembling common soldiers. The aim appears to be similar, though: provide heroic figures that inspire others to follow in their footsteps.

Back in the 80s, movies that could be mistaken for recruitment propaganda became surprisingly common. The film industry, which had firmly resisted anything related directly to the Vietnam War while it was being waged, became schizophrenic in the 80s, releasing anti-war and pro-war flicks side by side into theaters. Here are seven key films, listed chronologically, that helped shape the public's perception of the military during that decade.

Private Benjamin (1980)
Nancy Meyers began here, co-writing and co-producing the tale of Judy Benjamin (Goldie Hawn), a bride who wears black after her husband (Albert Brooks) dies on their wedding night. A spoiled woman-child, Judy enlists in the armed forces; basic training toughens her up as she realizes she can deal with the rigors of military life. As a budding feminist, she still had miles to go to learn that she didn't need a man or the military to be all she could be; as a poster child for plucky women in the armed forces, Private Benjamin was a positive-reinforcement milestone.

Here's a different way of thinking about well-known movies: imagine each one is a stop on a subway line! Designed by David Honnorat and posted at Vodkaster, the cinematic subway map is based on the top 250 movies as voted by IMDb users on June 19 (which, I suppose, is why The Hangover made it). Honnorat created 16 different imaginary subway lines, including "Universally Acclaimed Masterpiece," "Political drama," "Drama about tolerance," "Dark and weird drama," and other, more traditional categories, and then placed each film on one of the lines. He asked: "How would you go from Alien to North by Northwest without crossing The Godfather: Part II? Which station have you not visited yet?"

The placement of movies on the map can be amusing (Quentin Tarantino's Pulp Fiction side by side with Sergio Leone's Once Upon a Time in America on the gangster line) as well as bizarre yet strangely fitting (Se7en sitting at the intersection of Vertigo, Rashomon, Nosferatu, and Let the Right One In). Click through to see the big map and roll around a bit. Like all subway maps, it's confusing at first but starts to make more sense as you follow the lines from station to station. What's your favorite cinematic subway line?

[ via Geek Tyrant ]

Well, it's just about 'All Hallows Eve' and if you're anything like me, then you have already depleted your candy supply and you've been watching as many horror movies as you can get your hands on. And as I've watched everything from The Wolf Man to 13 Ghosts I've been thinking how few movies actually scare me -- the rise of torture porn was nauseating, sure, but scary? Not really. Over at Den of Geek they've compiled a list of movies that scare them and it has inspired me to think about what flicks have given me the honest to goodness heebie-jeebies over the years.

Usually when I watch horror, it's with an eye for comedy and usually the lamer the film, the better. But occasionally there's a film that actually does what it's supposed to: scare the crap out of me. But as much as I tried to find a common denominator for what scares me on the big screen, I came up empty. In fact, there's never really any way to tell just what is going to hit the right buttons when it comes to horror, but I guess that's what makes it so much fun.

After the jump: 5 movies that guarantee me a 'bad night's sleep'...

When I closed my eyes and pictured the greatest villain costumes in sci-fi movies, I was surprised how often hair -- and headpieces -- come into play. That makes sense for those of us who are not costume purists because we're thinking of the character as a whole, and in movies we're very often looking at close-ups of villains. We want to get up close and personal, to study the sneer, to examine the evil eyes, to absorb the dismissive scowl, to observe the raised eyebrows.

Isn't it the whole package that sells a character as a villain? The actor makes all the difference in the world, no matter if he's buried under a ton of makeup or becomes nearly unrecognizable, but the costume plays an important role. In honor of all those who will sally forth this weekend in costumes that are good, bad, and ugly, we salute the designers of the top ten (plus a couple of bonus selections) greatest villain costumes in sci-fi movies, and the actors who wear them.

The Emperor Ming (Flash Gordon)

It takes a truly evil villain to pull off this particular outfit. Arrayed in varying shades of deep red and gold, Ming (the always game Max von Sydow) threatens to steal the show when those eyebrows are raised. Somehow Ming looks both sartorially forward-thinking -- what is that raised cowl doing back there except to frame his bald head -- and ridiculously, gloriously silly.

Read the rest over at SciFi Squad

I'm sure Peter Sarsgaard didn't intend to make a horror movie that would provoke gales of unintentional laughter. Yet in a key, emotionally-wrought scene near the end of Orphan -- out on DVD today and, perversely enough, worth a rental -- that's exactly what happens; by that point, the film's determination to take itself way too seriously has worn down the viewer, and its lunatic premise collapses upon itself. Sarsgaard bravely goes down with the ship, as does Vera Farmiga, two talented actors that were better than their material.

How do good actors end up in bad movies? The same way some of us end up in jobs we hate: (1) It sounded better than it turned out; (2) Gotta pay the bills. Sometimes they liven up the movie (The Devil's Advocate wouldn't be nearly as much fun without Al Pacino's self-parodying scenery-chewing) and sometimes they look befuddled that they ended up in such a turkey (Robert Downey, Jr. in Gothika, Zooey Deschanel in The Happening). We salute those who gave it their best shot, and ask the rest: what were you thinking?

1. Jon Voight in Anaconda
Intentionally cheesy or merely undone by cheap CGI? This tale of a film crew seeking to document a mysterious tribe of Amazonian natives is a rather tepid and poorly-executed horror adventure until Voight lends it a jolt of electricity as a jungle guide with an accent that's never been heard before. While decent actors like Eric Stoltz and Owen Wilson look like they're ready to cash their paychecks and go home, the Academy Award-winning Voight nearly saves the picture with his larger-than-life theatrics. That's entertainment!

We love it when our heroes fall for the suspicious types: the wolves in sheep's clothing, the dangerous femme fatales. It happens often in film noir and a heckuva lot in comics, and provides some of the best last-act twists and turns as our hearts palpitate along with those of our protagonists... up until the bitter end. Can't that evil love interest turn out to have a heart of gold, so we can all have a happily ever after? Sometimes, yes. Most of the time, no.

What is it about these doomed romances that we love so much? Perhaps it's the futility of it all; you can't have your cake and eat it when you're a superhero or a (wo)man on a mission to right wrongs, even if you'd rather be kissing that beguiling bad guy than fighting them, arresting them, or foiling their evil plans. Turning down a chance at love is the ultimate sacrifice for a hero or heroine to make -- it proves their commitment to the side of good. Hence, loving a villain makes a hero even more heroic. How tragic!

In what will surely spur controversy, I've whittled my favorite villain-hero romances down to the seven best pairings in cinema. No, Phantom of the Opera didn't make it. That would have been too easy. Instead, find odd couples, would-be perfect pairs, star-crossed lovers, and yes, the world's most legendary bromance after the jump.

As the film prepares to take flight tomorrow, reviews are starting to pour in for Hilary Swank's Amelia. It's quite the mixed bag, from Roger Ebert's praise to Keith Uhlich's description of the film as a "colorfully hollow biopic about America's beloved aviatrix." Should more chime in with Ebert's positivity, the film could get decent buzz, but as it stands while writing this on Thursday afternoon, out of 13 reviews, it's got a paltry 23% fresh rating.

The negative sentiments aren't really a surprise. The early pictures of the film weren't exactly promising, and the trailer induced skeptical responses. But rather than rant about dreams of Amelia Earhart getting one of those biopics that mesmerizes from the get-go, I'm going to try and stay positive. Not every biopic has to struggle to find footing. In fact, some manage to capture the magic of their subject and make for a damn fine film.

Catch seven of my favorites after the jump, and since such a small number can't begin to cover them all, please weigh in with your own in the comments.

Their engines whine; their walls creak. These spaceships may look like antiques from the future, but many pack more punch under the hood than they let on. Never judge a book by its cover, and never judge a spaceship by its rust-holes and sputtering warp drive. What space-faring rattletraps make the cut in our top five list of "hunk of junk" spaceships?


5. EAGLE V from Spaceballs

The most impressive thing about the Eagle V is its amazingly pristine (and retro-hideous) 1973 Winnebago chassis. Piloted by Captain Lone Starr and his Mawg co-pilot, Barf, the Eagle V is a ship-for-hire last seen crash landing on the surface of MoonaVega. I would say it was last seen on the recent Spaceballs cartoon series, but that would imply that people actually watched it.

FEATURES: Interior shag carpeting, perfect for camping.

DRAWBACKS: Screen door, chemical toilet, small fuel tank.


4. THUNDER ROAD from The Explorers


The only ship on this list named after a Bruce Springsteen song, this is the vessel that carried Ethan Hawke, River Phoenix, and Jason Presson into outer space where they made first contact with a rubbery alien who could lip-sync to "Yakety Yak". Higher forms of intelligence, indeed. This bold trio built a craptacular capsule out of a rusty tilt-a-whirl, a garbage can, a busted TV, and Charles Foster Kane's sled, and somehow, not only managed to get it into space without imminent death, but impressed Dick Miller in the process. The vast loneliness of space caused so much psychological damage amongst the children that Phoenix OD'ed years later, Presson went off-the-grid, and Ethan Hawke married Uma Thurman.

FEATURES: Bubble-based technology provides the ship with its own oxygen supply.

DRAWBACKS: Bubble-based technology does not prevent the ship from sinking into the ocean at the end of the film.


Read the rest over at SciFi Squad